man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
