I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I could fuck to npr.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
