sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
