The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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