i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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