Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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