Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
