Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
