Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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