i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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