Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
