I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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