i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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