If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
