I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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