Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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