How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
