sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
