Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
