My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
