we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
