when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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