During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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