I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
