I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
