After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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