nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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