I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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