I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
