I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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