Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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