dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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