my vag is so smooth its legendary
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
