You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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