I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
