if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
