Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
