Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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