i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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