"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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