wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
