Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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