We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
