Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
