Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
