i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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