Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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