We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
