you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
