Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
