I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
