Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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