woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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