do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
