I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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