One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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