The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
