just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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