i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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