someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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