my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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