I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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