You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
