ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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