Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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