cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
