who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
