we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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