I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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