Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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