My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
