Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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