i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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