I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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