The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hippo gnu deer
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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