So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
where are my eyebrows?
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