worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
