There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
