I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
