Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
