i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
