dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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