I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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