we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
