Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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