i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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