Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
