Don't you send me to vm
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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