im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
