In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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