I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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