i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
