Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
