i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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