Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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