Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
