my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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