rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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