I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
