this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
